I dream so much. I feel like I dream all night every night. I dream about pink elephants a lot. I dream about body parts falling off. Sometime I dream that I am budding (growing miniature me’s all over my body). I dream about ice cream. I dream about someone that I met once when I was a kid. I dream about dead people that I miss.

Then there are the nightmares. I have nightmares that people’s faces are melting off or exploding. I have nightmares that I lose my dogs. I have nightmares about dead babies hanging by umbilical cord nooses from my ceiling fan above my bed. I have nightmares that I wake up and turn around to see my husband dead and gutted like a fish. Fun, right? When I tell someone I had a horrible nightmare, I usually mean it and would prefer to not tell you. But only a select few will read this, and now it’s too late.

You now know I have a fucked up subconscience mind. 🙂

It got to the point about three months ago that I wasn’t sleeping from these constant night terrors. I went to a counselor to talk about this. Which also, no one knows. They said it was the stress manifesting itself. That I needed to get it under control before the manifestation became too much. They gave me ridiculous fucking breathing exercises. I don’t need that. I just need to talk about it. I guess they were under the impression that I have someone to vent to. I do of course, but like previously stated, I’d rather not burden the world with my troubles.

The stress was gone. I got everything under control. I started dreaming again of elephants and ice cream. Until last night.

Have you seen the movie Insidious? My dream was sort of like that. I know, theatrical and ridiculous. But when it’s you in the dream experiencing an evil entity, you kind of panic.

The source of the dream is probably the stress of my next ultrasound in a couple days. We were told the baby could have problems. I think he/she will be fine but I guess the mind continues to stress.

Everything will be either better or worse in two days.


About natuhhleee

I'm learning to be honest with myself, and others. So please tread lightly. I'm 20, pregnant with my first, and have been married to my wonderful husband who is in the Air Force for more than two years now. I used to drink, smoke, and party most of every week, but I've been sober since getting knocked up (of course), and I feel my best. I am learning to accept myself as well as others, and get my life organized. I will say nothing but the truth, I owe it to myself. The military sent us to Okinawa, which I will be mentioning a lot. A small island close to Japan. The weather is tropical, and I live a 30 second walk from a perfect, not busy beach. We have one more year here before we go back stateside on June 2013. Although I love it here, I miss my family more than anything. I have two sweet rescue mutts that I love to death, the are my first children.
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